Thursday, November 1, 2007

So many things that happen!

Today had UT (understanding test). Thinking about how happy I should be because of holidays that is coming in 2 days time. Suddenly I felt sad. I wonder why. So many things had happened this week and I am quite confused. I want to say it out but who will be my listening ears? Even if I found that pair of listening ears, will I dare to say it out? I feel that I am mad at times but that is the only way to de-stress myself. I had my unhappy times too... I almost got sick today because of my down moments. Luckily I became mad and this became the medicine for me. The definition of mad for me is to laugh suddenly. Be it purposely of un-noticed, I consider it "mad".

During class today, I had a sudden urge to leave half way. Seeing my friends leaving right after the UT, my minds starting floating to the place where they are thinking. Soon, more and more people left and the images of them keep appearring. Imagine when you are going back to class after breaks, you met your classmates and they said that they are going home. They are declaring early holidays. I remembered yesterday, one of my friend in the class asked me whether I am free during the holidays. Without any thoughts, I said a firm "NO". He continued by asking whether any particular day where I am free?. Again, I said no. I just keep doing these and how am I going to make friends?

I forget to mention that friends plays a part in helping me recover from my sickness. Isn't friends amazing? At the same time, friends make you feel so sad that you want to just give them up. Telling myself that they had their hard times too. I feel better, but so what? Is this the answer that I want to get? I am confused about how my hearts works.

Met Ronica. She is a Christian. She specially came to our school to tell us more about Christianity. Yet again, I am confused. I am not confused about the things she told me. It is about myself again. Am I ready? No.

Ate hot and spicy Steamboat with Jiajun. Couldn't finish because it is too hot. I just feel that I am a person who influences. But isn't it sad? I am mad as well. On the way back, I took MRT train. It's the place I call it creativity. My mind was blank. I want to think about something happy and continue it, but couldn't. I am like a gong kia, sitting there. It's already so frustrating and silly people keep getting in my way. On my right is a fat guy who keeps opening his legs. On my left is a skinny person but he kept staring at me. What la? I dig out your eyes, want?. He kept staring at my handphone and I cannot sleep because I am scared that he will steal my handphone and runaway. When I want to get down at Jurong east. A horde of zombies with no feeling is standing at the door. Once the door open, they push and "CHOR" their way in. What is this? I want to get out and you charge in like this?

When I reach home, my mum ask me to bring my sister to the clinic because she is sick. I know the feeling of being sick and I can understand the feeling when you are being brought to the clinic by someone. I was tired but never had I complain about it. I am writing a paradox here because I just said that I had never complain about it and this sentence make me seems like I am complaining. Once again I am mad.

I know that my younger sister had on the computer in the afternoon when I was in school. How do I know? It is because I was kicked out of MSN in school when she sign in my account at home. I just checked the history and saw that she had watched youtube. It's scary isn't it? You probably guess that the "scary" that I meant here was that my sister wasn't sick at all as she was watching the youtube. But you were wrong because what I meant was that, I am scary because I actually checked on my sister!.



Nothing special to me. These are just sweets and biscuit bought by my mum. They are just things that goes according to your mood. When you are happy, these tibits are tasty and nice. When you are angry, these tibits are poisonous and you don't even want to look at them. So, good, at least it is the first choice. I will be bringing them to school and treat my friends. I had been doing these for a long time and never had I think of stopping.

Tomorrow is friday and it is the end of school days. I should be happy ar. But I will never know what is happening tomorrow.

Standing aside from the window when a bug fly in. To kill it or not to kill it? The normal me is to kill it. But why did I stop? because it is the other me, behind the mask.

by Anonymous at 8:32 PM |